just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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