Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
