stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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