Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
