hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
