Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
