Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
