Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just threw up on my dentist
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
