I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
