I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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