census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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