butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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