please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
