If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
