ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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