I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
