I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
