fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's Friday. Sex?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
