hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
