I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
