My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
