i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
