If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
