On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
