I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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