I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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