I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
