he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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