i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
