Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
