pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
