I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
