She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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