she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
