so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
