It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
