At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
