okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
