Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
