So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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