My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize