those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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