And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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