I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
