His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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