I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
