Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
