Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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