Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
