Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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