The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
