I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
