he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
