Umm I'm too high to move.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
